Sum sum Summah pics and Randomness. Porque Sipo.

So, that’s about the size of things right now.  I feel like I have perma- Slurpee brain freeze.  Pregnancy man.  It Ain’t for wimps.

Between finding out we didn’t get the job – OH Praise Sweet Baby Jesus !- for that miracle, baby prep, school starting for preschooler, August being the craziest month on planet Earth somehow and generally being el Preggo, dude; this mama is ti-red.

Here’s some cute pics to tide us over tho:

1401903942784

I do love me a belly tattoo.

0831141206

Cool enough to make stuff outside. Yay!

0831141505a

Headed to Grandma’s!0830141643d 0830141644a

Need I say anything here?  Okay, Roll Tide!

0825141246

‘lil one turns 2!  She’s in girlie heaven here.

1408926625629

ALS Ice Bucket challenge happened.  I wussed out.

IMG_20140823_080008

0820142016

Holy Tiny head, Giant 34? week foreshortened belly Batman!

IMG_20140817_123119

At least I got One WIWS pregnancy shot in with baby 3rd

IMG_20140808_191106

Our happy guy being his happy cute self.  We love you Blaise.  Love.

There’s totally more but it’s seriously bedtime up in here and I’m all short on patience these days.

These kids are saints in the making for having me as a preggo mom, I’ll tell you what.

Fast trying to get our baby prep on.  And- gulp, gasp, I think I’m going to try the cloth diapering.  I’m terrified, but it seems so economical and I just love that we won’t be filling a landfill with disposables.

If you got a prayer to spare, please pray little guy doesn’t make an appearance until wk. 38.

OH, and, I LOVED this idea from my friends Kathryn and Dwija– so-  I’m totally going to be collecting prayer intentions to get me thru

-hopefully- natural birth this time around.  Please leave your intentions here if you would like some said.

Thanks for stopping by y’all!

Advertisements

Much to celebrate.

It’s birthday month for our beautiful little miracle Clare. She’s turning 2 and I just cannot say how much her life has added to our family. I remember crying during prayer with my son before she was born thinking he won’t be our only little guy anymore. The heart has so much more capacity for love than we give it credit.

Happy Birthday Month Bear Bear!

Happy Birthday Month Bear Bear!

Happy International Breastfeeding Week!  In celebration I’m hosting a Big Latch On in my town for the 2nd year in a row tomorrow!  I’m proud to support breastfeeding, meet other Moms and keep the message to normalize breastfeeding going.  Plus, this year, we have some seriously amazing sponsors and gifts for Moms and babies!!!  

Happy Breastfeeding Week!

Happy Breastfeeding Week!

It’s with a sad heart that we say goodbye today to a beautiful mother, wife, Sister in Christ Sarah Harkins and her unborn baby Cecelia.  Please join me in a powerful birthday prayer for Sarah. I have been heartbroken over the past days after finding out about her accident and loss. I feel today a better person for knowing her and her legacy, getting to know her family in this tragic time.  She makes me want to be a better mother, wife, sister and follower of Christ.  Thanks be to God for our enormous Catholic family lifting them up, lifting up our own pain at the loss of someone many of us do not even know.  In celebration of her life and her birthday tomorrow we join in prayer and thanksgiving for her family, her husband Eric and beautiful children.  A special thanks to Ginny at Small Things for all of her generous updates and words of love and encouragement.

This month our son starts back to Catholic pre-school. I’m not all, Yay! he’s going to be out of the house. This is a celebration because he loves it so very much and I am so glad to say that we have finally made a choice to keep him in school instead of homeschooling (possible blog series awaits). This summer I have tried to devote prayer and thought to this.  As long as our government will not intervene in Catholic school education and as far as any diocese we move to in the future will uphold Catholic teaching and reject Common Core I am very happy for our children to be able to embark on this path. I am also so very grateful that we live in an area that we can afford to put our son into a Catholic pre-school right now.  It truly is about 1/3rd the cost of a city Catholic school.  This won’t always be the case and there are already sacrifices, but it’s worth it to us. I am so very grateful too, in no small part that God has given my husband a steady job that allows us the freedom to have our son learn and grow in such a faithful and lovely environment that is his school room. I want our children to have freedom of faith and freedom to practice our Catholic faith in every single part of their lives.  School will be the second biggest after family soon and my prayer is that they come to know and love the Lord in a way I never had as a child.  That they know the Catholic Church is their true home on Earth and that Jesus is our true home in and beyond life. 

Divine-Mercy

Baby #3rd is 31 weeks now!  We’re getting close and I’m so very grateful that our plan to stay here and have the baby in Denver is intact.  This is a really big deal.  With Clare we left for Texas at 36 weeks and I was stuck finding a new location/ob everything who would accept a vbac for “advanced Maternal age” with pretty much zero notice.  Found a great one luckily .  This baby, I’m like, good, you’ll deliver my baby, 2 hours away?  No problem, just give me -the possibility- of what I want- no drugs, access to a tub, people who can deliver a baby and we’re good.  Okey doke?  Great.  I don’t even care if you try to talk to me about birth control, that’s just a conversation starter as far as this Catholic Creighton practicing mama is concerned.  

The best part is I’m finally getting excited to meet our little guy.  Our son comes up to tell me “Mom, I like your baby belly.”  Clare is always coming up singing Doc McStuffins Check-up song and checking for his little baby heartbeat.  I’m going to miss these moments.  But look forward to them being big brother and big sister to a tiny little one now.  And- we’re going to have 3 children!  Wow.  What a terrifying blessing the Lord has bestowed upon my husband and I.  I’m so happy to share parenthood with my husband.  It’s been quite a journey and I’m sure will prove to be.  Holy Spirit, Mother Mary, please be with us!

Happy 31 Weeks Baby Falls!

Happy 31 Weeks Baby Falls!

That’s all for today.  Thank you for stopping by.  Must go prepare for all the fun at the Big Latch On tomorrow!   

Why I Re-started breastfeeding our toddler.

Big Latch On 2013

Big Latch On 2013

 

Sooooo, this is a post all about the ins and outs of breastfeeding my toddler.

I’m 26 weeks pregnant{Yay! } and never thought I’d still be nursing our 22 mo. old toddler at wake-up, naptime and to sleep at night.  I thought if I could get to 12 months it would be a miracle.  She went thru a very short lived biting stage around 12 months but really seemed to want to continue so we did.

The past few months I’ve been prepping her to stop, weaning like a slow rolling hill.  She now doesn’t ask as much and really just comfort nurses about 30 seconds a side.  I can’t express manually so she must it seems just be comfort nursing.  Which is fine.

Until very recently where any nursing has become incredibly uncomfortable.  I’ve read a bit and figured that she would want to stop by now, but no.  And last week I decided I Had to be done.  It seems like baby gets really mad each time toddler latches on.  I could be having minor contractions, plus the squish little guy gets each time our 35 pounder jumps into my lap ain’t no joke.  I told her that we had 3 more days of “nurse nurse” and she seemed to be fine with it.  I hadn’t taken away her naptime, night time comfort chill with Mommy time yet.  I was slowing substituting and changing things like book in bed instead of on the nursing chair, putting in the music bear with our routine and switching sides almost immediately.

Finally the last day came on Friday night.  I was a bit sad to see the end of our nursing but knew the freedom for us both would finally be a good thing.  Then Saturday came.  She didn’t ask at all to nurse in the morning.  Nap time was sad and she cried for a bit.  I softly explained that I loved her and we weren’t nursing any more and that she is my big girl and can go to sleep on her own now.  She didn’t buy it  and it wasn’t long before Daddy had to swoop in to the rescue when she woke up to try and get her back asleep.  Success. That time.  Then night time came and she cried and cried but finally made it to sleep.  Honestly, I realized that I hadn’t prepared myself at all for stopping.  I felt a mild sense of heartbrokenness.  Where did this come from???  I thought I was totally ready.  Totally wanted to stop nursing her.  What?  My husband assured me that we would get thru it.  Remembering how pregnant I am, which is like 100%, I just thought it could be hormones.

I successfully distracted her with breakfast the next morning, but ooooh boy.  Naptime.  Naptime came and I was all prepared, albeit exhausted from a cruddy night’s sleep.  Tick tock tick tock.  Husband was at work this time, pre-schooler was asleep and little Miss just wasn’t buying it any longer.  She was tired, so I let her cry for a bit, soothing her with backrub and assuring her that Mommy was there and loved her.  Not buying it still.  Sigh.  I had to leave the room where the real wailing and gnashing began.  Boogies and alligator tears.  After about 15 minutes I realized she just needed Mommy time.  That’s what she wanted and can tell me in plain English.  So I figured even tho{I felt like or worried that} my husband may be disappointed in my giving in and all those people who can wean their kids would be disappointed, maybe I still needed to nurse her too.  Bigger sigh.- My husband was and is supportive.  He wants me to be happy and for our family to be happy.

Yesterday nursing her was a relief.  She fell asleep almost immediately and I let her know that it’s okay, that if she needs to continue to have “nurse nurse” time we can do that.  She breathed a huge sigh of relief, nursed for about 15 seconds if that long and was out like a light.

I’ll breastfeed her until she’s done, which may or may not be by the time baby #3rd comes along.  For now it’s fine and I have been blessed to give this time to our children.  Exhausting and trying as it may be, still God has blessed our family with full time Mommy.

guadelupe1

Nuestra Senora de Leche

Nuestra Senora de Leche

And I would be remiss to mention that a whole lot of prayer went into this entire process.  Our Lady of Guadalupe and Nuestra Senora de Leche have been my guide, especially when the rough got tough and I just wanted to scream my head off.  She has been a true inspiration for how this process has gone and will go.  These images have helped and inspired me in all the moments.  She has been there for me and I am eternally grateful.

These two images I think are just awesome.  I’m not doing any art history here, they just mean a lot to me in that Jesus isn’t tiny 7 pound 6 ounce babe.  He is a toddler and beyond! And thx to St. Peter’s List for the images!

Baby Jesus is straight up Standing, so this makes me feel pretty good.

Baby Jesus is straight up Standing in this sculpture, so this makes me feel pretty good.

Virgin nursing preschooler

And, seriously, Jesus could be like 5 or older in this depiction. So, go nursing moms of older kids!

It’s very hard for me to listen and heed, but trying to be the best mom to our kids is part of the goal of my vocation as wife and mother.  I am{striving to be} the heart of our family.  So, I look to the best example of motherly heart I know.

Nuestra Senora, pray for us!

Five Favorites! Take 1.

five-favorites-moxie-wife-1

(edited to put in Hallie’s fancy cool image^)

Whoa.  I’m about to join the fun ranks of 5faves.  Did a hashtag get chosen?  I’m always late to the party.

Anywho, here are my 5 today, kinda nitty gritty cuz that’s where I be at what with pushing 20 weeks pregnant nesting needs and husband being gone waaay too much with work(s) lately.

Muchas Gracias for hosting Kat(i)e! and for usually hosting Miss Hallie!  I loooove the link-up.  Without it, my blog would surely die a horrible death.

~1~

81DFnBDCRxL._SX522_

This stuff is just amazing and I am positive that I was graced with zero stretch marks during our son’s pregnancy because of it.

~2~

0503140813a

And- my sister is going to Kiiiiiiill me when and if she finds out I posted our ~1986 camping morning photo.  So, glad to know ya!  I think I’ll just keep this little bit to mahself, well, and y’all of course.  That’s her cute middle school self up top and I’m the pensive teenager in pinkish red. That was totally my favorite hoodie ever btw.

~3~

0501141314

Our bebe.  He’s a He!!!  My husband totally thought our little tiny son was a girl, and the night before our ultrasound about a week ago, I was like, “ya know? I think this baby is a boy.”  I’m favoriting our blessed new miracle and the amazingness of the new ultrasound.  Just amazing.   Anyways- lo and behold, we get to pick out a boy name!  A little backstory, I wrote a while ago that I really wanted to name a girl Eowyn. cuz duh.  And I would love to name a boy Ender.  Cuz I’m a total geek like that and it’s my husband’s favorite book of all time, I think. And I got the N to the O on both until he said I could name a girl Eowyn IF we named a boy Aragorn.  Ummmmmm, no.  Cuz that would be silly.  Am I right?  Mommy logic.  So, now that there really IS a boy, he says “yes” to Ender and I’m all, in my little downturned sheepish tone “I was just kiiiiding.”  Oh, the name game. Holy Spirit, please inspire us!

~4~

The lovely and my newly found interwebz amiga, Catholic Mommy extraordinaire; Blythe over at The Fisk Files posted an awesome video from FUN up so I got to find this gem. Pink with Nate Ruess from FUN;  I mean, these two, in a song, together.  Some of God’s beauty for us to enjoy. And again I am usually late to the party, but my excuse is is that I live in a small town.  Did you hear Pink at the Oscars singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow?  I love how she has matured as an artist. Such tunes, so song.

~5~

0506141002a

I seriously cannot be excited enough to finally be getting my new Dansko Sam sandals.  I am in love with this color. And Boy oh boy do I adore the soft on the inside.  No surfer bone break-in cuz they be sandals and all, and I can wear them with everything.  I was on the fence 2 years ago when Moms got me a pair of Chacos.  Never fear! I am now the proud owner of these lil beauties which are never coming off my feet.

 

Thanks for stopping by this little blog and hope to see you soon!  Happy Easter!

 

Thoughts from a post-abortive/ post-miscarriage Mother.

What I really wanted to talk about was this thing that always happens to me as a post-abortive/ post-miscarriage Mom.

The fact of pregnancy and the hormones that accompany always take me into at least one tailspin of our lost children.  I dwell all night about my first child, the circumstances, the things I wish I would have done, known, who I wish I could have been.  How much I miss that baby that was lost to the tragedy of abortion that January so long ago.  Each time a new doc or nurse or tech or anybody has to delve into my past, there my baby is, waiting to be spoken about.  Waiting to be loved.  And now, all I have for him is love and longing to be reunited with him in Heaven.  I know that he is safe and loved more than I could know in the arms of Jesus, as are our other two darling children.  I don’t carry shame anymore, God in His grace has granted me forgiveness. Really, it’s more an inability to express how much those children mean to me. I have two living beautiful children and 3 wonderful souls in heaven.  I pray for them and know that they pray for me in whatever capacity they have.  I am their Mother today and always and I cherish this.

I’m so grateful for the work of pro-life people like Abby Johnson, who will talk about these things, about forgiveness after abortion.  The light that is shed on darkness through Jesus Christ is life giving and freeing.  I remember when I was confessing my sins for the very first time just 5 years ago this Lent and just how amazing it was to truly ask the Lord to forgive me for killing my baby.  It was one of the biggest moments of my life.  Before that I felt so dirty and ashamed and unable to own what I had done.  I didn’t have Jesus before that year and you can’t Give yourself true forgiveness, it  only truly comes from God.

As a Buddhist I had always assumed that role for myself and it brought me only heartache and deep depression.  I couldn’t admit anything.  I hid many many things from myself to forget pain and pretend that I was strong enough.  I used every form of denial; alcohol was my favorite go-to, but relationship hopping and sex were never out of the question to fill the void. I learned the very very tough way that I’m not the one in charge, but He is.  I’m not saying it wasn’t important or even essential to try to forgive myself, to forgive oneself for aborting a baby.  It is.  But there still was that place in my heart -and it turned out to be my whole heart- that needed true food, true love.

So here I am, with an amazing husband who loves me and who helped me come to know Jesus and ask Him for forgiveness and come to the Catholic Church.  With whom I have two amazing and perfect living children and one growing inside of me now.  This pregnancy is hard.  Harder it seems than the last, and seeing and hearing her perfect little heartbeat made all the yucky nausea and pain just worth it.  I’m a mother to a new soul, a soul that has been co- created with God himself.  I am eternally grateful to know that and have love for the little fragile life inside me.  She’s my baby now and forever and I already love her in her teeny tiny phase and the rest of it.

Thank you for reading and I hope this heartens people to know that change is possible and that if a person like I was can change anyone can.  I really believe that because Jesus healed my heart and brought me back to life.

If you are reading this thinking I’m crazy, but How would a person become Catholic?  Just hop over to your local Catholic Church and ask about RCIA – Rite of Christian Innitiation for Adults.  Even universities like CU Boulder where my husband and I converted have campus parishes and amazing people to connect with.

And if you are reading this, pregnant and don’t know what to do I recommend these amazing places/organizations for some of the best care and help an expectant Mother can ask for:

Gabriel House nearest you for the best pre-natal and infant/Mama support I’ve ever known. This one is for Denver but it’s a nationwide project to help mothers and babies.

Abby Johnson’s site has wonderful resources.

Embrace Grace is out of Texas and here’s an amazing video they produced.

I thought I would end here.  Peace be with you.

7QT Where I make a Leeetle Announcement…

1.

Boy oh boy have I been dying to share this news with y’all!   See that little gummie bear looking thing?  That’s our baby!  I just am so amazed at this imaging, we haven’t had it with our other two, so it was quite the treat. We’re due early October so baby should arrive somewhere next January. Joking.

IMG_4617

2.

And then these two, they are so excited about the baby inside Mommy’s tummy.  Reason to smile.

Third!

 

3.

I just haven’t even had the energy to do a post in like, forever.  My first trimester is a bad blues song that goes something like “Oh whoa is meeeeEEEEeeeee, I just can’t take this No Mooooooooh”  and on and on forever. Not quite as bad as Mama Knows, which is hilarious and sad but, Laudy, is it just a way start offering up every little thing, ever.

4.

I’m actually quite bummed I didn’t have one ounce of energy to put my little fingers to a keyboard, much less pull my brain out of the gigantic cotton filled fog I’ve been in for weeks now.  So, to all you wonderful peeps grinding out the week, thanks for giving my basically bed-ridden self something to laugh and smile about.

5.

Products:  Can I just say that if I never, ever, ever, ever ever see another piece of ginger or ginger ale or ginger gum or ginger anything it will be too dang soon.  Ugh.  It does help for a minute, but really, I’m just a praying that this next 4 weeks goes smoothly and not worse.  Meds: Doc has put me on Actual progesterone because of multiple miscarriages and I get to stop at week 12.  Today is the first day, and so far, no barfy barfy or anything there like, lethargic, but not the super yuck.  Good. News.  I’m also one of those sicky sicks who goes on the anti-nausea meds, please don’t judge, cuz, I have got to got to got to be Mama.  We aren’t exactly living in the lap of luxury and husband works thru my sickest part of the day.  Non-smelly anything:  I think I haven’t even put hair product in and there’s just no way I could touch perfume- if I had any- or even any kind of aromatic food- just kills me.  The Keurig has been my total life saver, from making my instant broth, to whatever I need hot water in stat; it’s been my best friend.  Thank you Keurig!

6.

?????????????????????????????????????

I really really wanted to try this for a possible cure to the sickness.  Can I just say that even thinking about meat or cooking it has been totally and utterly impossible.  I got the idea from Jen’s morning sickness post  after a friend Pinned it and just hoped and prayed it would work. So I bought the book all excited- this is still pre-sick phase and then BAM.  Just like that, I was layed up, out cold, useless to my family and the world other than building a sweet tiny little bebe.  Plus- no bread!?  Eek gads, I am just not that strong willed.  I’m not.  Not right now anyway.  Maybe After I’m thru this stage , but right now, it’s like all I can do to heat up a cup of broth to sip on and dip a piece of toast into it if I’m lucky.

7.

ender

I’m already forming a committee to name our Third, Ender.  We’re giant fans of the BOOK, not the horrible sellout of a film {major bummer for us Ender geeks} and I am really not opposed to naming a kid after a favorite character, plus a lifetime of cool kids getting it?: Awesome.  Husband says we could name bebe Andrew but he”s sure it’s a girl and I’m not so keen on Andrew for a girl. Or Valentine.   And to kow my taste in baby naming, I desperately wanted to name baby girl Eowyn.  Duh.  No dice.  Help?  You could send plea letters, picket, do one of those Presidential Executive decision thingies, petition, whatever.  And then again!  Light bulb:  if it gets to be too much for him, maybe he’ll say that Eowyn isn’t so bad After all!!!  Ha.  Happy weekending friends.

Heading over to Jen’s 7QT for more friday fun.  Seeya there.